I was planning on harvesting ingredients for it tonight. I am making ham sandwiches with it. I have already prepared the ham. Would you like to try some?
[ The windows are above his dogs' general line of sight. The windows are metal, like much in a sci-fi place, so they're electrified to start. Touching them will not be a pleasant experience. If the windows are opened regardless of the electricity, it will pull a string that releases one of these puppies... except it has barbs in it. This is aligned to hit the window frame with the barbs sticking out over the span of the window, so as to be non-lethal rather than full-on running an intruder through with a metal spike. The log activated a pressure panel on the window frame as well, which if then released (the log is moved away from the window for someone to try to get in still) without Riou's key to reset it will emit a sleeping gas into the room.
[Yan Qing's done his share of break-ins back in the day. He's also had to do it for his employers here in Lunatia, too, so he thinks he's got this down pat. First, he tosses a ball at the window, and...
ZAP!
Okay.
He's back with a pair of rubber gloves and sleeping gas. Gloves, because he doesn't want to die! Sleeping gas, because he has no time for Dr. Doolittle shenanigans! Don't ask where he got it. Just chalk it up to his genius! And his sticky fingers. Once the dogs are knocked out by the bomb and the gas disperses, he sneaks past them with marvelous agility, making it to the window with no trouble at all. With a grin of victory, Yan Qing opens the window—
Shit!
He doesn't know why his feet are the only things keeping him from being squished like a pancake by a couple of logs, but sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. Hell, nothing like this ever happened in the book he was from. Why are real life people so crazy?
And just when things couldn't get crazier, he begins to pick up a smell...
Jyuto... What kind of friends do you keep, oi? I don't know who the hell you are, but something tells me I don't wanna find out!
His hands cover his nose and mouth, but he can only keep this up for so long. His legs are feeling weak, and he's getting drowsy...]
[ When he gets home, he sees his dogs passed out and checks to make sure they're still alive. They are, and seem to just be asleep, so he leaves them and checks the rest of his apartment. When he finds Yan Qing, he immediately assesses this as an intruder situation. An enemy. He's used to this: back home, thieves and crooks would try to break into his camp and steal his Hypnosis Mic, a more powerful Mic than the standard version as a military prototype; a more valuable one because of it.
He doesn't know what this intruder wants, and because they've only spoken over text, he has no means by which to assume this is the person he was speaking to. This means that Yan Qing will wake up tied to a chair with a double-up of rope and zipties. Except it's not the same room that he fell asleep in- no. It's cold. Riou took him to the meat locker he converted the "Guest room" in his apartment to.
This means that Yan Qing will wake up surrounded by hanging meat parts, already butchered and skinned, in a room covered in clear plastic sheets to keep the floors and walls clean of dripping blood. In a chair across from him, sits Riou, eyes serious and glaring, having been watching him sleep with a fierce determination. He doesn't take kindly to enemies or intruders. There are empty meat hooks hanging from the ceiling, and the lights are off so the only light is the natural light coming from behind a clear plastic sheet. It makes it harder to see exactly what animals are hanging from the ceiling, but the position that Riou put them in puts the majority of the light on the two of them. ]
Edited 2020-01-18 22:13 (UTC)
I didn't forget this thread I was just figuring out how to reply to this masterpiece
[ Yan Qing wakes up to the darkness, cold and bound. The scent of blood alerts him to the danger and his first instinct is to look up. Riou's there. So are the carcasses hanging from the ceiling, and Yan Qing thinks he knows where this is going. Cook? Don't make him laugh. He's met cannibals before — hell, he's worked with them — but he's not falling victim to one today. ]
Fuck! I knew you were crazy. Should've known this was a setup—
[ Yan Qing attempts to break free, but to no avail. He thinks he's run out of Chroma to expend, too. Coming here on an empty stomach was the worst idea... Did that man on the internet know Riou was like this? That's terrible! ]
I ain't answering your questions!
Re: I didn't forget this thread I was just figuring out how to reply to this masterpiece
You broke into my home. You set off multiple traps and persisted. An intruder doesn't have the right to declare someone crazy.
[ Quite fortunately, Riou does not eat people. Yan Qing is actually perfectly safe right now, but it's good to know that his set up is working plenty fine. ]
[He squints at how Riou's name is absolutely ridiculous when juxtaposed against a situation like this, but you know what? He's not going to fight it. He still feels like he'd die if he did.]
Urk... I guess you got a point there. Call me Shin.
[Real names aren't important right now. What he wants to do is get out.]
Anything important I gotta worry about, uh, Crazy M?
[ Either of Riou's hands move to Yan Qing's wrist, pushing down on them slightly as if to emphasize that Yan Qing is the one trapped here. He's not in the position to be asking questions. ]
You have gall, breaking into a soldier's home.
[ He lowers his face so he's eye-to-eye with the intruder. ]
[As someone who tends to forget his place and run his mouth? He totally deserved that. It doesn't hurt, but Yan Qing winces and grits his teeth, leaning away from Riou back into his seat. Thank god he didn't transform into Riou to get past the traps... That would have been way more difficult to talk himself out of.]
Woah, easy! I just wanted to do a background check. You know? I, uh...
["Have trust issues and am nosy by nature," but he can't say that. Quick, play dumb.]
I get nervous around hot guys.
[...]
My last boyfriend was super hot and tried to kill me.
Why are you trying to do a background check on me?
[ Hot?? Boyfriend????? Riou is very confused right now. In fact, the expression on his face is rather like a certain math meme for a moment before he figures it out. ]
Are you the person I was speaking to online? The professional eater.
[Because he has trust issues and being a spy is part of the job. What job? That depends on when he asks. Thankfully, the topic changes before it comes up.]
That's right, that's right! Ahhh, for a second I thought you were having me for lunch — in ways more than one! [shut up yan qing]
[ After a few more seconds of silent contemplation, Riou reaches for a hunting knife in his boot without explanation. He leans in, slowly holding the knife toward Yan Qing and then...
Turning it around to cut the restraints off. ]
I don't eat human meat. You should be more careful whose home you break into.
[ This is it. He didn't want to have to kill anybody in a relatively peaceful world like this one, but he thinks he just might have to. Yan Qing clenches his fists. Riou's a big guy, so there's no way he cam make this look like an accident. But if he wants to make it alive and return to Chaldea's side, then— ]
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prismatica
no subject
foodFRIENDS!!!]Noodles! ππ
What about you?
no subject
[ Ants and their larva are tasty. What a nice heat they have. ]
no subject
I don't think I've had chutney before though...
[ He just eats whatever Emiya cooks, honestly. This conversation is still about normal food, right? Right?! ]
no subject
I am making ham sandwiches with it. I have already prepared the ham. Would you like to try some?
no subject
Fuck yeah!
I mean hell yeah
[ SAME THING he's still a ruffian ]
Where u at??
no subject
He sends his address over to this person. ]
But don't come over yet. I will be out for the ingredients, and my apartment is secured.
[ read: booby trapped extensively. ]
no subject
Just let me know when π
[That said...
He is totally going to try and break in now, for his own security purposes. He will try to get in through the window...]
no subject
[ The windows are above his dogs' general line of sight. The windows are metal, like much in a sci-fi place, so they're electrified to start. Touching them will not be a pleasant experience. If the windows are opened regardless of the electricity, it will pull a string that releases one of these puppies... except it has barbs in it. This is aligned to hit the window frame with the barbs sticking out over the span of the window, so as to be non-lethal rather than full-on running an intruder through with a metal spike. The log activated a pressure panel on the window frame as well, which if then released (the log is moved away from the window for someone to try to get in still) without Riou's key to reset it will emit a sleeping gas into the room.
HAMA NO SURVIVE BABY ]
1/2
ZAP!
Okay.
He's back with a pair of rubber gloves and sleeping gas. Gloves, because he doesn't want to die! Sleeping gas, because he has no time for Dr. Doolittle shenanigans! Don't ask where he got it. Just chalk it up to his genius! And his sticky fingers. Once the dogs are knocked out by the bomb and the gas disperses, he sneaks past them with marvelous agility, making it to the window with no trouble at all. With a grin of victory, Yan Qing opens the window—
Shit!
He doesn't know why his feet are the only things keeping him from being squished like a pancake by a couple of logs, but sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. Hell, nothing like this ever happened in the book he was from. Why are real life people so crazy?
And just when things couldn't get crazier, he begins to pick up a smell...
Jyuto... What kind of friends do you keep, oi? I don't know who the hell you are, but something tells me I don't wanna find out!
His hands cover his nose and mouth, but he can only keep this up for so long. His legs are feeling weak, and he's getting drowsy...]
jesus christ
i'm sorry he's like this
He doesn't know what this intruder wants, and because they've only spoken over text, he has no means by which to assume this is the person he was speaking to. This means that Yan Qing will wake up tied to a chair with a double-up of rope and zipties. Except it's not the same room that he fell asleep in- no. It's cold. Riou took him to the meat locker he converted the "Guest room" in his apartment to.
This means that Yan Qing will wake up surrounded by hanging meat parts, already butchered and skinned, in a room covered in clear plastic sheets to keep the floors and walls clean of dripping blood. In a chair across from him, sits Riou, eyes serious and glaring, having been watching him sleep with a fierce determination. He doesn't take kindly to enemies or intruders. There are empty meat hooks hanging from the ceiling, and the lights are off so the only light is the natural light coming from behind a clear plastic sheet. It makes it harder to see exactly what animals are hanging from the ceiling, but the position that Riou put them in puts the majority of the light on the two of them. ]
I didn't forget this thread I was just figuring out how to reply to this masterpiece
Fuck! I knew you were crazy. Should've known this was a setup—
[ Yan Qing attempts to break free, but to no avail. He thinks he's run out of Chroma to expend, too. Coming here on an empty stomach was the worst idea... Did that man on the internet know Riou was like this? That's terrible! ]
I ain't answering your questions!
Re: I didn't forget this thread I was just figuring out how to reply to this masterpiece
[ Quite fortunately, Riou does not eat people. Yan Qing is actually perfectly safe right now, but it's good to know that his set up is working plenty fine. ]
Though I am Crazy M.
[ So he won't deny it. ] Who are you?
no subject
Urk... I guess you got a point there. Call me Shin.
[Real names aren't important right now. What he wants to do is get out.]
Anything important I gotta worry about, uh, Crazy M?
no subject
You have gall, breaking into a soldier's home.
[ He lowers his face so he's eye-to-eye with the intruder. ]
Why?
no subject
Woah, easy! I just wanted to do a background check. You know? I, uh...
["Have trust issues and am nosy by nature," but he can't say that. Quick, play dumb.]
I get nervous around hot guys.
[...]
My last boyfriend was super hot and tried to kill me.
no subject
[ Hot?? Boyfriend????? Riou is very confused right now. In fact, the expression on his face is rather like a certain math meme for a moment before he figures it out. ]
Are you the person I was speaking to online? The professional eater.
[ Professional B&E artist is more like it.. ]
no subject
That's right, that's right! Ahhh, for a second I thought you were having me for lunch — in ways more than one! [shut up yan qing]
no subject
Turning it around to cut the restraints off. ]
I don't eat human meat. You should be more careful whose home you break into.
1/2
no subject
[ He stares at the man, dumbfounded. This is a trap, isn't it? ]
Uh, are you sure? Is that something you should be saying? I'm a pretty shady guy, haha.
no subject
[ Pick one. He'll tie Yan Qing back up if that's what he wants. ]